I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
