dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have post one night stand depression
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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