last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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