Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
