first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
