i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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