Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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