I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
