turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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