I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
