just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
