is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
