Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
