Swine flu is the new snow day.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
