Sober January is a disaster.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
