I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
