I haven't been this sober since birth.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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