flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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