I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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