you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
