Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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