you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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