Plan B is the new Plan A
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
