so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
is it fun? or sober?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
