I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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