I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
