the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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