cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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