aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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