I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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