They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
