The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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