oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
