My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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