suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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