'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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