my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
