dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
ok first of all what the fuck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
