im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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