I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize