my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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