Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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