she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
