SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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