Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
