I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize