yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
