CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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