Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize