That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
