And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
