I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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