rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
