I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
