What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
