he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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