let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize