the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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