Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
