im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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